Definition

What defines me? 

My martial status, my children, my upbringing?    -- Yes, Yes and Yes
I am a mother, wife, daughter and friend.  I am a sister of Alpha Xi Delta, which has always been very important because some of these women are truly the sisters I never had.  I would NOT change anything in my life - It is What it Is.  But there is always a BUT.

What I am trying to say is I wouldn't do anything differently but I wonder if I did it differently would the outcome be what I really wanted.  I have put alot of faith in people, but I am starting to believe that my expectations were just too high. 

Many things have happened this year.  Life changing things. But I am thinking about the things that I wish didn't happen, like losing a family member (not by death).  Something happened to us, something that I knew would eventually happen, but I had hoped it never would.  Someone close to me took something special and we can never get it back.   It wasn't just the materialism, but the memories.  It still saddens me after many months, because it wasn't just one family member I lost.  It was a whole side because rather than stand behind the truth, they stood behind blood.  Even though we too are blood, our blood wasn't thick enough.  I want things to be different, but in the end, We weren't the wrong doers.  Should I just let bygones be bygones, or stand our ground. 

I don't feel like they lost anything, I feel like we lost them.  My expectations were that since we didn't do anything wrong we would be supported, not cast aside.  I really felt very close to my family, but I guess I was wrong, if we are so easily forgotten.  I wish I could just learn to let it go, they have, when we are around them they act as though nothing happened.  Nothing changed, but I know deeply that Everything has Changed and I am not sure where we go from here.

Damianisms

Haven't been on here in a while.  Life is BUSY!  And stressful!  Too much going on and not stuff I want to go on and on about here.

Family  Picture - Damian 4 -- Brayden 9 months

But a quick laugh from the big bad 4 year old!  How to Train a Dragon recently came out on DVD so we bought it to have a family movie night,  Watched it, loved it and then Damian wanted to know if he could go to the Dragon Park. 

Damian:  Mommy can we go to the Dragon Park

Me:  Damian I don't know where the Dragon Park is, I don't know of any Dragon Park

Damian:  Mommy you know the Dragon Park
Me:  No Damian, I don't know where it is
Damian:  Are you kidding me?
Me.  No I am not kidding, I really don't know where the Dragon Park is
Damian:  Mommy you are impossible
Me:  Thanks....LOL!

He makes me smile even when things aren't the best, I love him so much.

Brayden:  cruising, crawling, eating everything, 9 month stats - 22 lbs, 28.5 inches, still not sleeping.

Ricky:  Crossing our fingers for a job and real answers on his back issues.

Me:  Working on the photography business, not sleeping, stressing and trying to remain thankful for the kids health and smiles!



Boys at the "Touch a Truck" Event



Fall is in the Air - YEAH!!!

I love the summer, but I am so happy it is finally Fall!

We do such great things in the Fall for family time. We go apple picking, pumpkin picking, town festivals, play in the leaves, carve pumpkins, Halloween and Thanksgiving! The temperature is great in NJ around the Fall season. It's a perfect landscape for my pictures and enjoying the change of seasons.

I have been working hard on getting my name out for my photography business, its a slow start but I hope that things start to pick up now that the holiday season is approaching.

Here is some of my artwork that can be purchased as well as booking a photography session for your families, friends, little Halloween monsters and special occasions.

Boys - Can't live with them Can't live without them

Damian, Damian, Damian - why is it that when we get your hair cut on Saturday to get you ready to go back to school and prepare for our family pictures, you decided that it wasn't quite short enough so you cut your hair in four places. Now you have three chunks missing from the back of your head and one in the front. I know that all the kids do this, but does it always have to been at the most inappropriate times.

Brayden, Brayden, Brayden - you are 8 months old today, wow time is flying. You have six teeth, still not sleep great - but you are getting better. You want to be attached to Mommy's hip at all times, which isn't the best since you probably weigh 21-22 lbs. You are still as smiley as ever. And you LOVE your big brother....you can't get enough of him. He always make you laugh and gets you going.

Love you boys....Mommy!

Summer is FLYING!!

I don't know where the summer has gone. We have had sleepless nights, great family days, lots of swimming and great family memories!

Brayden refuses to sleep, teething sucks, now I am sure he is used to sleeping with us - which is the last thing we wanted. But in order to get any sleep he has ended up sleeping on us. We have tried crying it out, we have tried tylenol for the teeth, teething tablets, white noise, no night light, music, I feel like we have really screwed him up. BUT - I wouldn't change anything because in the morning when I barely can keep my eyes open, he smiles and babbles to me. I LOVE HIM!

Damian is doing well too, he has been very affectionate lately and tells us he loves us all the time, it really keeps us grounded, because when he isn't listening like typical 4 year olds do, we remember how much we love each other and gets us throught the bad days. I really miss them both, when I have to work, but we know it has to be done.

We have gone to the zoo, great adventure, the beach and took swimming lessons. We have had many good times with old friends and new.

Things might really be rough for Ricky and I right now, but we still have each other and the kids to keep us going!

Once I start sleeping better (which I hope is sooner rather than later...just saying). I hope I can keep up with this blog more. Fall is approaching quickly and summer will be long gone. I can't believe I am already thinking about Halloween...LOL!

Catching up

Life is flying by....fast! Damian's birthday is approaching us quickly, he will be 4 on the 13th, his party is next weekend. Brayden will be 6 months and is cutting two teeth, so he has been miserable, but still smiling!

Ricky and I just continue to plug away at home projects and work/looking for work. It has been a really rough year on us, but I am very hopeful that things are going to start looking up. We both celebrated our birthdays, so we are refreshed in a new and better year!

I am working on getting my photography side job/business's word out. I am working with/learning Photoshop, working on putting my pictures up for sale and trying to get more personal jobs under my belt. Will keep you all updated, as if anyone reads this...LOL, and maybe post some of my pictures on here!

Onto another weekend, at least it is a long one.....ENJOY the 4th everyone!!!

Birthdays and Anniversaries

The month of June is absolutely crazy for celebrations. Starting with my Dad and Ricky's birthday, followed by Father's Day. Proceeded by Our Anniversary (this year make 8), my parent's anniversary (44) and My birthday....WOW!!!

We have had a celebration on a weekly basis which is not doing my diet and losing the "baby weight" very well. This weekend we celebrated the fathers of our lives. They are all very special, especially my husband who is a wonderful father and amazing husband and partner for life. We have been together for almost 14 years and as I said before we will celebrate our 8 year anniversary tomorrow. I love him more today than yesterday and will love him even more tomorrow. I am truly happy that we have chosen each other to spend the rest our lives with, things haven't always been wonderful, but we get through it together.

This year has been particularly rough with Ricky being out of work, having Brayden and just dealing with the everyday stuff in raising our children. I would change alot of outside things that we have no control over, but I would never change life with my family!

Damian's birthday is right around the corner too and we are planning a "Pirate Party". We are very excited because this is the first year he can't wait for his birthday. Four is going to be such a great year.

Loving my boys and everything that comes with the territory.

Pictures

This is my new tattoo for my kids

The boys in my life


Me and my boys



Brayden is getting bigger, I can't believe he is already 5 months.



Damian swimming

I am finally getting around to posting some pictures, here are some of Damian, Brayden, Ricky and Myself. Hope you enjoy.

Productive Weekend

We finally had nothing to do this weekend so that meant we could catch up on all our projects at home...LOL!

Ricky built Damian a sandbox, which he LOVES, hopefully it will get him out of his funk!! Damian has been testing us ALOT, I don't know if it is still because of Brayden or because its his age, but he is driving us crazy. He could be fine one minute and a real Bear the next. He is constantly talking back and telling us no, he never wins so why doesn't he just give up. I really hope he starts to get over this rotten mood very soon. He really is a good kid he just is very very stubborn.

I worked on our garden, I weeded for three hours this weekend and I still have more, I can't believe it! We started a retaining wall and bought some plants. Hopefully I can finish weeding tonight now that its not 95 degrees like the past two days.

Brayden is miserable because he is teething. He doesn't want to sleep and gets cranky constantly which makes for a fun time! The good news is he is sitting by himself for at least 30 - 60 secs if not more. He also went into the pool (my sister-in-laws) for the first time and loved it!

Lets cross our fingers we can open our pool this week, it will be nice to see the beautiful water in my backyard instead of the green tarp.

Another Damian moment and Brayden update

God is good, God is great, let us spank him for our food...AMEN! I kept trying to tell him the correct way, but he kept wanting to put the words all together. Absolutely Hysterical!

Brayden is cracking us up too. He is such a happy baby, his new favorite thing when you are not paying attention is his rapsberries, which he does so hard that he will scare himself. He loves to laugh and be tickled.

I have the BEST boys in the world. I could not ask for a better family!

Damian and his one liners

We went to the grocery store as a family yesterday and Damian comes over to me. He says Mommy can you do me a favor? A favor? Yeah a favor, come over here with me I want to show you something. He wanted to "show" me a stuffed animal ("Show" meaning Mommy will you get this for me)

Then he picks out the snacks he wants he is trying to be helpful by putting things on the conveyor belt for me, but he really is just holding up everything. After the last ten things, I finally said here give it to me and took it out of his hand, he turned to me and said "that is not cool mommy, you took that out of my hands". Yes he was right, but that was too funny, my three almost four year old just telling me like it is!

My First Time

I am joinging the rest of the world by documenting the lives of my boys through a blog -- Ricky my husband, Damian my big boy, Brayden my baby and of course myself.

We shall see where this goes, I am not sure if I will keep up (I hope that I do) and if anybody is even interested...LOL! But, I can never remember things I always promised I would never forget, so now I am writing it down! Wish me luck!