What defines me?
My martial status, my children, my upbringing? -- Yes, Yes and Yes
I am a mother, wife, daughter and friend. I am a sister of Alpha Xi Delta, which has always been very important because some of these women are truly the sisters I never had. I would NOT change anything in my life - It is What it Is. But there is always a BUT.
What I am trying to say is I wouldn't do anything differently but I wonder if I did it differently would the outcome be what I really wanted. I have put alot of faith in people, but I am starting to believe that my expectations were just too high.
Many things have happened this year. Life changing things. But I am thinking about the things that I wish didn't happen, like losing a family member (not by death). Something happened to us, something that I knew would eventually happen, but I had hoped it never would. Someone close to me took something special and we can never get it back. It wasn't just the materialism, but the memories. It still saddens me after many months, because it wasn't just one family member I lost. It was a whole side because rather than stand behind the truth, they stood behind blood. Even though we too are blood, our blood wasn't thick enough. I want things to be different, but in the end, We weren't the wrong doers. Should I just let bygones be bygones, or stand our ground.
I don't feel like they lost anything, I feel like we lost them. My expectations were that since we didn't do anything wrong we would be supported, not cast aside. I really felt very close to my family, but I guess I was wrong, if we are so easily forgotten. I wish I could just learn to let it go, they have, when we are around them they act as though nothing happened. Nothing changed, but I know deeply that Everything has Changed and I am not sure where we go from here.
oh julie- i wish i could hug you- i can empathize with where you are and how you are feeling. i to have very high expectations and i have been let down over and over. i also have been the one to lose out for something that i was not in control over and because of the choice i made we were left out in the cold. you are not alone even in this lonely place!
ReplyDeletedo what you feel is right for you and your immediate family. your husband and the boys. the rest will have to work itself out over time- and those voids might just be filled by a family you choose to have instead of what you were given. hang in there!
Thanks Kara, I appreciate it!!! Wish we could have caught up when you were in Jersey!
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